It was late in the afternoon and she was busy working on a report that her boss had earlier asked. "I know you're busy, but I just wanted to say I love you," she said over YM. He didn't reply after a few minutes and he said, "I've been thinking about us, about myself, about our relationship."
There was something definitely off about that statement, she thought. She felt like there was suddenly a cloud above her head and she became nervous.
"What exactly do you mean?" she asked.
"I think I need some space from this relationship," he wrote. "I don't want to be unfair to you and I know I cannot give you my 100% time. I just want to be honest about what I'm feeling and I thought you should know now."
She was speechless and it took about a minute or so for her to reply. She took a deep breath and replied, "So, are you breaking-up with me?"
"No..." he quickly replied. "I just need some space. I mean, I know I cannot give you my everything and I don't want to go into a relationship if I can't give my all. It's not you, it's me"
Oh no! He used the eternal break-up line. What a load of BULL, she thought. Where is this guy's originality? And as if this wasn't bad enough, he followed it up with; "I'll call you later. I don't want to talk about this here." WTF! He just started the whole thing here and suddenly he doesn't want to talk. This guy better grow some balls. At this point, she was so angry at herself for allowing this guy to have the power to make her feel bad. It was just 2 weeks. And just a week ago he was saying all sorts of romantic blah-blahs. "I'll take care of you," he said. I won't hurt you and I want this to work." And then suddenly this! What does this guy think, that she's an idiot born yesterday?
She felt so bad that she quickly logged off. She didn't even want to know what other crap this guy was about to throw at her. All she knew was she needed a cigarette…and most probably vodka.
"Another Red Horse and keep it coming," she said to the waiter while lighting another cigarette. It was her 3rd bottle and she was feeling woozy but she figured being tipsy was better than feeling shitty. She was angry not at him but at herself. She kept thinking if it was somehow her fault. In her mind, she went back and forth on the weeks that had passed. Thinking if there's anything she could have done differently.
Her mobile phone suddenly rang and it was he. She contemplated for a second if she would answer. "Hello," she said as cold as possible. He talked and she listened. It was the same load of SH*T he had already said over YM.
"You can be angry at me. You have the right to hate me," he said. "Damn right I should," she thought. But she didn't. She couldn't. More than anger, she was extremely hurt. She couldn't understand why this is happening to her all over again. Has she really fallen into this trap. He went on trying to explain why he came to that conclusion. And every word that he was saying seemed as insincere as with all his previous promises. He didn't even sound hurt. He sounded as if it was just another deal he needed to close. She decided to end the call before she threw her phone. The temptation of doing so was too great to resist if she kept on listening to his voice.
She woke up the next day with a huge migraine. She couldn't figure out if it was because of the 6 Red Horse or because she cried herself to sleep. Perhaps, it was both. She tried to get out of bed to get some breakfast. It was 8:30 in the morning. She had hoped that she would wake up later than that but she couldn't go back to bed.
The day went by and she needed to drink again. She needed to wake up for her coma-like day. She started sms-ing all her friends to find out who can join her.
After dinner, she quickly dressed and went to a friend’s house to drink the night away. She knew that this was just another temporary solution to what she was still feeling. But she needed it. She needed to be surrounded by friends and try to have a good time. She went back home 4 in the morning, wasted. But at least she had a great time.
She wrote to try and confront the pain. She will be better again soon. She has been in worse situations before. This was nothing compared to that. But still, it hurts. She doesn't know when her pain will go away but at least she's trying. Trying to forget about this nightmare. As for him, she wishes him well. She hopes not that he will come to his senses and go back to her. No, she didn't want that because she knew it would not happen. And if ever by the slimmest chance that it does, she doesn't know if she'll even have the heart to take him back. It was over. She knew that. Enough grieving. No more drama. She hopes that someday, when he meets another guy, it won't be like this. She had learned her lesson. Time to move on.
He was right, IT WAS NOT ME, IT'S YOU!
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